MAR-A-LAGO, FL — Former President Trump was reportedly furious at today's would-be assassin for rudely opening fire right in the middle of his backswing.
"Assassins these days, they have no manners, it's terrible," said a clearly irritated Trump. "They have no respect for the game."
According to sources, Trump had just started his backswing when the potential assassin's AK-47 began firing, completely throwing off the swing's rhythm. "Reassure the people that I still hit an excellent ball, pin high," said Trump. "In times like these, America needs to know that I hit a beautiful draw, really a gorgeous draw, to about twelve feet out for birdie -- with the ball sitting below the hole, just like I planned. I could take a mulligan, totally legal when people try to kill you, but I'm not going to."
At publishing time, the Trump campaign had issued a statement assuring Americans that he had sunk the birdie putt despite three more assassins lobbing grenades at him while he putted.
These British police officers are keeping the streets safe from dangerous weapons.
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