Report: Trump Furious As Would-Be Assassin Fired Gun Right During His Backswing

Sports · Sep 15, 2024 · BabylonBee.com
Image for article: Report: Trump Furious As Would-Be Assassin Fired Gun Right During His Backswing

MAR-A-LAGO, FL — Former President Trump was reportedly furious at today's would-be assassin for rudely opening fire right in the middle of his backswing.

"Assassins these days, they have no manners, it's terrible," said a clearly irritated Trump. "They have no respect for the game."

According to sources, Trump had just started his backswing when the potential assassin's AK-47 began firing, completely throwing off the swing's rhythm. "Reassure the people that I still hit an excellent ball, pin high," said Trump. "In times like these, America needs to know that I hit a beautiful draw, really a gorgeous draw, to about twelve feet out for birdie -- with the ball sitting below the hole, just like I planned. I could take a mulligan, totally legal when people try to kill you, but I'm not going to."

At publishing time, the Trump campaign had issued a statement assuring Americans that he had sunk the birdie putt despite three more assassins lobbing grenades at him while he putted.


Desperate to win back male voters, Democrat strategists propose bold new ideas.

Loading Comments...
Shop The Bee

Fake news you can trust, delivered straight to your inbox!

Big Tech is suppressing conservative voices. Sign up for our free newsletter so you'll keep getting our content, no matter what.

We care about the protection of your data. Read our Privacy Policy.