Report: The Squirrels Are Up To Something

WORLD—As if we haven’t had enough bad news in 2020, experts are ringing the alarm bells on yet another potential problem: Squirrels seem to be up to something.

“It’s just becoming apparent any time you look at them,” said wildlife expert Troy Harrington. “We're seeing them in larger numbers than usual. They scatter as soon as they see anyone watching them. They’re up to something, and they don’t want us to know what.”

Experts do not know what squirrels might be plotting, but they all agree it can’t be anything good. And while the country still deals with the coronavirus and civil unrest, whatever squirrels are up to is going to hit us at a bad time.

The federal government is trying to learn more, but they’ve been hampered by inter-agency squabbles between the FBI, the CIA, and the United States Fish and Wildlife Service. Experts recommend that all individuals take their own precautions, listening for scampering at night and paying extra attention if your dog barks at anything out the window.

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