RICHMOND, VA—According to sources close to local man Chris Wellings, the man who writes “I hate to be that guy” before each of his Facebook comments and Twitter replies in fact loves to be that guy.
Although he specifically states how much of a burden it is to be the guy who points out the flaws in something everyone else likes without reservation, behind the scenes, Wellings actually takes great joy in being a contrarian, according to his friends.
“He claims he hates to be ‘that guy’ before correcting a post or nitpicking the details of an article, but that’s an inaccurate statement,” a close friend told reporters. “He’s usually got a savvy grin on his face when he gets to be a total jerk online. He’ll brag about it to his friends and family afterward and everything.”
The evidence, gathered over many months of Wellings’ online activities, seems to support this conclusion, as the man posts that he “hates to be that guy” dozens of times each day before posting something pedantic or annoying.
“How can he hate to be that guy when he’s always choosing to be that guy? It doesn’t hold up,” one psychologist said. “The current working theory is that Wellings actually loves to be that guy, but uses the phrase to depict himself as some kind of selfless altruist doing the dirty work of saying what no one else will.”
At publishing time, Wellings had posted on his Facebook asking if he was the “only one” who partook in a relatively common human experience.