GLENDALE, AZ — After an exciting, hard-fought, back-and-forth gridiron battle between the Philadelphia Eagles and the Kansas City Chiefs, the NFL proudly announced that the referees had been named MVP of the Super Bowl LVII.

"This continues a longstanding tradition in our league," said NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell when presenting the award. "The officiating crew truly embodies what our game is all about. The referees made an impact that determined the outcome of this great game, and now they take their rightful place in the spotlight."

Fans and media alike were quick to decry the officiating of the game, believing bad calls were directly responsible for giving the victory to Kansas City. "Are you kiddin' me?!" shouted Eagles fan Jono Hughes after the game. "You're gonna call a holding penalty at that point in the game?! I had 200 bucks and ownership of my youngest kid riding on that game! Thanks a lot, refs! Jerks!"

Rumors were circulating that the officials had a vested interest in making sure the Chiefs came out on top. "It's ridiculous to insinuate that we were in any way impartial," said Head Referee Carl Cheffers after the game while wearing an autographed Patrick Mahomes jersey. "We take great pride in calling the game fairly and ensuring the right team wins. I can show you the script for the game if you don't believe me."

At publishing time, the referees had been last seen stuffing stacks of cash into their suitcases and sprinting out of State Farm Stadium to climb aboard the Chiefs' team bus.

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.