FORT LAUDERDALE, FL—A recall has been issued on popular flavorless liquid beverage LaCroix after an accident at the factory caused millions of gallons of the drink that some people allegedly enjoy to include dangerous levels of taste and deliciousness. A worker on the assembly line was supposed to pour in the customary .0000001 ounces of natural flavoring but forgot to "carry the one or something" and added 1 ounce of flavor to the vat instead.
Company spokespeople have apologized for the manufacturing error that caused the beverage to actually taste like something. You can tell if you have an affected batch of LaCroix because the Berry flavor will taste like berry, the Tangerine will taste like tangerine, and so on.
"I immediately knew something was wrong when I cracked open my morning Key Lime LaCroix and realized it tasted like key lime," said LaCroix connoisseur Ryan Manning of Portland, Oregon. "I always go on a 20-mile bike ride and then drink a refreshing sparkling LaCroix. I really count on these guys to make sure my post-workout drink has less flavor than actual water. They really dropped the ball here, and I'm just not sure I'm going to recover."
"I literally cannot even."
By way of apology, the National Beverage Corp. has promised that the next shipments of LaCroix will "somehow have less flavor than air."
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.