DEARBORN, MI — Fresh off another term of working tirelessly for the nation she despises, Congresswoman Rashida Tlaib introduced her 2026 reelection campaign slogan: "For a Brighter Future and Also Death to America."
Tlaib unveiled the catchy new slogan at a rally to denounce the evil of the nation she wishes to continue serving.
"We must build an economy that works for everyone," Tlaib proclaimed. "Except the Zionist devils, capitalist pigs, and anyone who likes this country the way it is. Together, we can lower prescription drug prices while working toward the total destruction of the Great Satan!"
Political strategists called the new slogan "the perfect balance between generic progressive pablum and her signature brand of passionate anti-Americanism."
"Focus groups loved it," said campaign spokesman Andy Goddeeris. "The 'brighter future' part tested really well with suburban moms who don't require as many details. The 'Death to America' part tested even better with the jihadists and college activists who show up to her rallies and set things on fire. We're building a big tent."
At a press conference, Tlaib doubled down when asked if the slogan might turn off some voters. "Moderate voters are overrated," she said, adjusting her keffiyeh. "Real change only happens when we embrace both hope and the complete annihilation of this imperialist nightmare we call the United States. Also, have you seen gas prices? Death to America will fix that, too."
At press time, Tlaib's team had begun handing out "Death to America" yard signs and workshopping a new chant-friendly jingle: "From the River to the Sea, Death to America, Vote for Me!"
Rumors swirl about the current condition of Senator Mitch McConnell, but his staff have come out to say that even if he were dead he will still be able to finish his term.
