MOUNT MORIAH - Boy, was one local ram on Mount Moriah having a bad day! According to sources, the horned animal had taken a slight tumble down a cliff and landed in a thorny thicket. As he tried to free himself, he only got more and more tangled in the thorns, his long, curvy horns getting themselves wrapped around branches. Sources claim he was "more tangled than a pair of earbuds after a trip through the wash."
"Ugh, I'm such a klutz!" the ram said to himself as he realized what a predicament he was in. "That's why none of the ewes ever pick me when I try to butt horns with the other rams. Why do I have to be such a weirdo?"
But then, as luck would have it, he heard some commotion nearby and saw a kindly-looking old man and his son talking next to a strange pile of stones. "Hey, guys!" the ram shouted, though it just sounded like bleating. "Over here!" Sure enough, the Jewish man heard him and came over, starting to hack through the brush to get to him and get him unstuck from the branches.
"My luck is really turning around!" the ram thought to himself as the patriarch gently untangled him from the bush the animal had gotten stuck in earlier that day. "You know, you've always gotta look on the bright side of things. No matter how bad your circumstances are, there's always hope!"
"Hey, buddy -- what's that big knife for?"
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
