We, The Babylon Bee, have decided to issue an apology. After being caught in a culture-war whirlwind of hatred and bigotry, we published an article naming Rachel Levine our "Man of the Year." Sometimes, even satirists make mistakes.
Our misgendering headline was hateful, insensitive, and cruel. Rachel Levine is 100% a real, actual woman. We were absolutely wrong to say otherwise. We understand now that our attempt at comedy was really "punching down" at a wealthy and powerful government trans woman official, and we have no excuse. We went too far.
We apologize to the trans community. We apologize to the women community, of whom Rachel Levine is clearly a part - and has been since her birth. We hope to take this opportunity to learn, grow, and be better as satirists - and as human beings.
So we invite our readers to say it with us, loudly and proudly, and with all the strength and goodness of 1000 kindergarten teachers in Florida trying to teach 5-year-olds about sex:
Rachel Levine is a powerful, beautiful woman.
Whatever that is.
Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.