Psaki Recommends Ukrainians Just Take A Kickboxing Class And Have A Margarita

WASHINGTON, D.C.—As Russia continues to amass forces to invade Ukraine, sources say Ukrainians are feeling down about the whole situation. To help them deal with a very depressing week, White House Spokesperson Jen Psaki recommended Ukrainians just unwind with some kickboxing classes and margaritas to make themselves feel better.

"Listen, I know this is a very sad time," said Psaki. "I want to encourage you to feel those emotions. Then go do some kickboxing, or maybe some hot yoga or pilates, and then drown your sorrows in tequila while at brunch with your girlfriends. Sometimes, that's all you can do!"

Foreign policy experts and State Department officials agree that this may be the only option left available to Ukrainians who want to live in a free country apart from Russian tyranny since they already tried fighting Russians with all the blankets Obama sent them and it didn't work very well.

To help ease the suffering of Ukraine, the Biden administration has offered to send them $68 Billion in tequila mixers and free N95 masks. 

Psaki later clarified that Biden has committed to evacuating Burisma executives before Putin invades.

In the social justice system, words are considered violence. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious attacks are members of an elite squad known as the Microaggression Victims Unit. These are their stories.

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