WASHINGTON, D.C. - Press Secretary Jen Psaki took time during today's briefing to address worries about inflation, comforting Americans with the news that prices are totally under control - outside of the things necessary to live.
"The media, you people I gave cookies to, have really blown this whole 'inflation' thing way out of proportion," said Psaki. "Prices have not risen in most markets, with the tiny exception of essential necessities. But prices are rock steady when you look at, for example, battleships. The same goes for cannabis, tickets to Mars, and hula hoops. There's all this talk about food and shelter when today you can still go out and buy a Rolex for the same price you could yesterday!"
Fox News correspondent Peter Doocy asked Psaki how regular people struggling to buy food would be helped by stable battleship prices. Psaki sighed deeply, then slowly growled, "No…more…cookies!"
Americans still worried about basic necessities were cheered up later when they learned from New York's mayoral candidates that a house in New York only costs $50, and you can still buy a gallon of milk for one wooden nickel.