PROVIDENCE, RI — A proud parent whose child just enrolled in a university other than Harvard is reportedly so proud that she decided to slap a "My kid didn't go to Harvard" bumper sticker on her car.
"Not going to Harvard is one of the clearest indications that someone has intelligence, character, and common sense," said parent Susan Grantwood as she wiped away a tear. "I'm just... so, so proud of my son."
"Wow, their kid didn't go to Harvard. Lucky!" said one passerby. "That woman must have done a great job raising her kids!"
Sources confirmed the "My kid didn't go to Harvard" bumper sticker sits next to a second bumper sticker about one of the children finishing a marathon, and yet another bumper sticker commemorating a daughter's first-place finish in a national ballet competition.
"I love all my talented kids," said Grantwood. "But Stevie is my favorite because he's not going to Harvard."
At publishing time, several thousand parents had been seen discretely removing their "My Kid Goes To Harvard" bumper stickers and throwing them away in shame.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
