As the debate over school choice rages on, many parents may be suffering from information overload. Do you send your child to private school, plunging yourself into trillions of dollars of debt? Should you homeschool, guaranteeing they become weirdos? OR… do you roll the dice and send them to your assigned public school?
The Babylon Bee is here to help you make this important decision with the following list of pros and cons of public school:
Pro: Extracurricular activities
Con: THE RECORDER
Pro: Team sports
Con: Your daughter just got mauled on the soccer field by a giant dude named Stephanie
Pro: You don't have to make lunches for your kids every day
Con: The lunch they get consists mostly of cardboard and glue particles
Pro: Always have a nurse on call
Con: The nurse has a drawer labeled "Puberty" with an "X" drawn over it
Pro: They get to meet new kids
Con: Their new friend taught them how to make meth in the school bathroom
Pro: Socialization
Con: Socialism
Pro: Teachers who love kids
Con: Ugh! Not that way! Nooo!
Pro: Free childcare
Con: Free tampons in the boys' bathroom
Pro: Zebra cakes
Con: Juvenile Diabetes
Pro: They'll be like all the other kids
Con: All the other kids are gay commies
Pro: Their teacher has a website where students can reach them outside school hours
Con: It's OnlyFans
That should provide you with all the information you need to make the right choice. If you do end up sending your kids to public school, you can make a similar pro/con list to help you choose their therapist in a few years.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
