Public School: Pros And Cons
Education · Feb 7, 2024 · BabylonBee.com

As the debate over school choice rages on, many parents may be suffering from information overload. Do you send your child to private school, plunging yourself into trillions of dollars of debt? Should you homeschool, guaranteeing they become weirdos? OR… do you roll the dice and send them to your assigned public school?

The Babylon Bee is here to help you make this important decision with the following list of pros and cons of public school:

Pro: Extracurricular activities

Con: THE RECORDER


Pro: Team sports

Con: Your daughter just got mauled on the soccer field by a giant dude named Stephanie


Pro: You don't have to make lunches for your kids every day

Con: The lunch they get consists mostly of cardboard and glue particles


Pro: Always have a nurse on call

Con: The nurse has a drawer labeled "Puberty" with an "X" drawn over it


Pro: They get to meet new kids

Con: Their new friend taught them how to make meth in the school bathroom


Pro: Socialization

Con: Socialism


Pro: Teachers who love kids

Con: Ugh! Not that way! Nooo!


Pro: Free childcare

Con: Free tampons in the boys' bathroom


Pro: Zebra cakes

Con: Juvenile Diabetes


Pro: They'll be like all the other kids

Con: All the other kids are gay commies


Pro: Their teacher has a website where students can reach them outside school hours

Con: It's OnlyFans


That should provide you with all the information you need to make the right choice. If you do end up sending your kids to public school, you can make a similar pro/con list to help you choose their therapist in a few years.


It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.

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