ANAHEIM, CA — Local father Daxton Colt has filed a lawsuit against Disneyland after discovering it was not, in fact, the happiest place on earth.
"Nope. This is definitely not the happiest I have ever felt. Not even close," said Colt, surveying his surroundings. "This isn't even the happiest place in Anaheim. I felt much, much happier at Tony's Deli just yesterday while eating a Reuben sandwich. False advertising."
Colt reportedly became suspicious that Disneyland was not actually the happiest place on earth shortly after arriving at the gates. "These people look like they're having a decent time at best," muttered Colt. "Yeesh, I don't like the look of these lines. I don't see us getting through the attractions very efficiently. I'm going to keep an open mind, but I'm skeptical."
Unfortunately, Colt's fears were soon proved well-founded as beyond a few minor amusements, the park simply did not live up to its billing. "Happiest place on earth - pshaw! I only feel slightly above mediocre," said Colt. "I'm sorry, but Medieval Times is far, far happier. Mmm... fresh turkey legs I can eat with my hands while watching nerds joust - much more joyful. I'm calling a lawyer."
At publishing time, Colt had been spotted wearing a crown, drinking ale, and shouting at a Disney employee to pick up a sword and fight like a man.
It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.