So you want to get healthier, drop a few pounds, and get yourself in better shape? Great! Now all you have to do is choose a diet plan. How do you know which one is right for you?
The Babylon Bee is here with a helpful list of pros and cons for some of the most popular diet plans:
Keto
Pro: Weight loss, muscle gain, reduced blood sugar
Con: If you take one tiny bite of bread you will die
Carnivore
Pro: Reduced inflammation, increased muscle, weight loss, feeling great
Con: You are now the most annoying person in all the world
Baptist Diet
Pro: Health benefits from no alcohol consumption
Con: You're 300 pounds and have diabetes
Vegan
Pro: Lower cholesterol, reduced risk of cancer and cardiovascular disease
Con: You're a vegan
Paleo
Pro: Less inflammation, more energy
Con: Your grocery bill is $12,000 per month
Twinkie Diet
Pro: You get to eat Twinkies
Con: None
Atkins Diet
Pro: You have already lived long enough to know what the Atkins Diet is
Con: The Atkins Diet will finish you off
Crickets & Mealworms Diet
Pro: You become a docile, compliant vassal of the New World Order
Con: The grasshopper leg stuck in your teeth is still wiggling
Vegetarian Diet
Pro: You can significantly extend your life
Con: Your significantly extended life is no longer worth living
Socialist Diet
Pro: Rapid and sustained weight loss
Con: Death due to rapid and sustained weight loss
Look over the list above and decide which diet is right for you. Don't worry, no matter which option you choose, you can always pick something else after you quit in two weeks.
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World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.