WASHINGTON, D.C. - The front steps of the U.S. Supreme Court showed a busy scene as pro-choice activists played music and shouted louder in hopes Baal would hear their plea to legally sacrifice their children to him.
"Choosing to pay to have our unborn children brutally torn out of our wombs and sold for profit is the most sacrosanct part of life," shouted an activist through a bullhorn while downing handfuls of abortion pills to emphasize her point.
The activist's eyes then rolled into the back of her head and she began a demonic incantation in hopes the pagan god of sensuality, human sacrifice, and idolatry would strike down pro-life activists with lightning.
After nothing happened, pro-choice activists began melting down forceps and fetal vacuum devices to make an idol cast in the shape of a calf, hoping it would enhance their devil worship.
Anonymous sources later confirmed Baal did not answer, possibly due to being in the bathroom and unable to hear.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
