WASHINGTON D.C. - During a press conference today, Jen Psaki confirmed that President Biden will soon be visiting Waukesha to comfort the family of the traumatized SUV driver.
"President Biden has a big heart, and he truly cares for hurting people," said Psaki. "He will be visiting Waukesha next week to console the family of Darrell Brooks, as they mourn the arrest of their loved one. Mr. Brooks was clearly the real victim here."
"That Brooks guy's a good guy, just made a mistake," said Biden to the diaper pail in the corner of his restroom. "He was obviously scared and was running away from white supremacy or something like that. Made a wrong turn and then ran over 70 people while zig-zagging to hit as many as possible. Just slipped up, is all! Happens to the best of us! Come on, man!"
When asked whether Biden would be visiting the families of the victims, Psaki replied that the President has a busy schedule but they are in his thoughts and prayers.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
