SAN FRANCISCO, CA — A parade celebrating Pride Month was forced to suddenly change course after participants informed organizers that none of them were allowed within 200 yards of a local elementary school.
"We can't go that way," Drag queen Brent Dwyer told organizers. "At least, I can't go that way… for reasons I really don't want to talk about in public."
News of the sudden route change came after it was discovered that an overwhelming number of the parade's participants were barred from being near schools, parks, and other public places where children congregate.
"This is why we have all these kids' events during Pride Month. If we can't go where they are, we invite them to come where we are!" said a man in a dress and with purple hair. "I'm not a pervert, I just really think we need to teach kids about the 57 different genders and what they can do in a furry suit and what it means to be trans and why they should be gay."
The parade was originally routed to pass by Warren G. Harding Elementary School but had to change course at the last minute due to concerns of legal repercussions. "Yeah, I can't go anywhere near that building," said one guy wearing only a speedo.
At publishing time, participants had also informed organizers that they weren't allowed within 200 yards of the nearest pet shop for "similar reasons."
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