WASHINGTON, D.C. - Members of the press gathered at the White House reported they were feeling a sense of unease Wednesday as President Trump asked them to gather on a large target painted on the ground.
"Welcome, fine members of the press," Trump said, stifling laughter. "Please come closer and stand right around here for no particular reason whatsoever. That's it, just a little closer... a little closer..."
"I just love all you fine people so much that I really want you to stand very close to me this time, right on this particular spot, where absolutely nothing bad will happen to you," he said.
The President kept looking up at the ceiling as the press closed in toward the large target painted on the floor, causing one reporter to follow his gaze and cry out, "Look out! It's a piano! IT'S A PIANO!"
"Now!" yelled Trump, and the grand piano came crashing to the ground, forcing reporters to dive out of the way to avoid being crushed.
Trump was reportedly "disappointed" that the clever ploy didn't work as he intended. According to insiders, at the next press event, Trump will have a "swinging blade of death" installed in the White House.