Pope Urges Jesus And Satan To Put All Their Differences Aside In The Name Of Peace

VATICAN CITY — In the spirit of the Christmas season and as part of his ongoing quest to bring about widespread harmony throughout the world, Pope Leo XIV issued a proclamation urging Jesus and Satan to put all their differences aside in the name of peace.

Following an international tour in which he visited Islamic nations Turkey and Lebanon, and pleaded with Christians to brush aside their fears of Muslims, Vatican officials said the supreme pontiff now sought to take things a step further by asking the Son of God and the Author of Lies to mend fences.

"Everyone should let bygones be bygones," the pope said. "There have been a lot of things done and said over the last couple of thousand years, yes, but that should not prevent us all from continuing to pursue peace. I think it's time for Jesus and Satan to put the past behind them and start fresh."

"May this be a new era of cooperation between our Lord and the Deceiver."

Critics questioned whether God's Son and the Great Adversary could realistically come together, but the pope remained hopeful. "I am well aware that Satan has made a mess of things for a long time," he said. "But Christ is known for being very forgiving. I truly believe that if we could just get them together to talk things out, we could put our differences aside and take a step toward a peaceful future."

At publishing time, Vatican officials had reportedly reminded the pope that Satan was destined for eternal torment in the lake of fire, severely hampering any potential attempt at salvaging his relationship with Jesus.