There may be a bias toward Protestantism here, but being Catholic has its perks, too (reportedly). A delegation from The Babylon Bee flew out to Rome to meet with the College of Cardinals to find out the best reasons to be Catholic.
Here are the top 10 perks of Catholicism:
You can tell the difference between your church and a shopping mall: No one has ever confused a Catholic church with a nail salon.
They still have the head of John the Baptist, and if you kiss it, you get time off purgatory or something: We're pretty sure that's how it works.
Access to the Holy Hand Grenade: You never know when you might need it.
Better ceiling art: In fact, you can look at all kinds of nude religious art without it being weird at all.
You never have to read your Bible ever again: Makes things so much easier.
Tall hats let you easily see who is in charge: No confusion about church hierarchy here.
You're far less likely to drown during baptism: That total immersion stuff can get a little scary sometimes.
They have the extended-edition Bible with all the deleted scenes: Have you ever read Bel and the Dragon? It's dope.
Bowls of holy water are everywhere to fend off mid-service attacks from Dracula: Or Hillary Clinton.
You can pretty much just do whatever you want as long as you go tell the priest you're sorry about it later: Easiest religion ever.
Just try to keep yourself from running to your nearest parish to sign up after reading that list. What other perks do Catholics get to have? Post your suggestions in the comments.
Protect yourself from the modern day gestapo!
