WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former president and saxophone player Bill Clinton testified to members of Congress today that his answer to their questions depended on what the definition of "child trafficking" is.
"What is…'is?' And furthermore, what really IS 'child trafficking?'" Clinton reportedly told members of the committee. "I would like to ask you all, what does this term mean, and how can I get out of any culpability related to these accusations, rhetorically speaking?"
Clinton was grilled on his associations with the infamous deceased billionaire Jeffrey Epstein and what his relationship with the women who worked for Epstein entailed. During the questioning, Clinton repeatedly stated that his actions depend on what the working definitions of terms actually are.
"What is ‘sexual predator?' What is ‘a depraved pervert?' What is ‘massive scumbag?'" Clinton asked. "I'm afraid it depends on your definitions of these words. I cannot give an answer if we don't agree on any solid definitions. Also, is it lunch time? Who else could go for a Big Mac?"
Democrats called the accusations against Clinton ridiculous and asked how a man with his character and spotless track record of upstanding behavior could be dragged into something so unseemly. Clinton responded by saying that it would depend on what any given person's definition of "unseemly" was.
At publishing time, President Clinton was last seen trying to hit on Nancy Mace.
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