Judge Finds Luigi Mangione Too Stunningly Handsome And Gorgeous To Stand Trial

NEW YORK, NY — In a shocking development in the case of a killer charged with murdering a health insurance executive, a New York judge found that Luigi Mangione was too stunningly handsome and gorgeous to stand trial.

Though the prosecution had reportedly built a strong case with substantial evidence against him, Mangione was deemed, upon examination, to be far too good-looking to be tried for the murder.

"Have you seen him?" said Judge Maureen Donaldson in her ruling. "My goodness. In all my years on the bench, I have never run across a case that is so startlingly violent and brutal and carried out by such a hunky piece of Italian beef. It is the opinion of this court that Mr. Magione be released from custody on the grounds of his hotness."

Though the judge's ruling was met with immediate controversy, other legal experts agreed with the finding. "I absolutely concur with Judge Donaldson," said attorney and legal analyst Debra Garney. "In a case like this, it's important to take into account how devastatingly handsome the defendant is. In Mr. Mangione's case, the decision was an easy one. He's a smoke show, and smoke shows have no business standing trial for murder. It is paramount, however, that we be given access to Mr. Mangione following this ruling. I implore the judge to provide his phone number."

At publishing time, court insiders said that the judge also had a hard time keeping the female jurors from swooning and fainting every time Mangione entered the courtroom.