WASHINGTON, D.C. — Pope Francis donned a traditional Cherokee Indian headdress this week in preparation for a meeting with Native American Congresswoman Elizabeth Warren.
"It's time for the Catholic church to apologize for what we did to indigenous people, and I think Senator Warren's tribe may be ready to hear what I have to say," said the Pope. "Catholics' brutal practice of adopting orphaned children from stone age tribes that practiced cannibalism and human sacrifice is horrible. To make matters worse, we even educated these orphaned children in the ways of the Catholic church. This is unforgivable."
Sources close to Warren say she's ready to accept the Pope's apology on behalf of her people. The ceremonial reconciliation will take place over a peace pipe and a warm bowl of "pow-wow-chow" from Warren's famous indigenous cookbook.
"I look forward to accepting the Pope's apology for the church's role in residential schools," said Warren, "but I hope he will also unite with me against a new enemy: pregnancy centers."
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