VATICAN CITY—Pope Francis has called on priests to deny Communion to Catholics who drive SUVs, since they represent "the great sin of contributing to climate change, maybe the worst sin of all."
In remarks delivered at the Vatican, the Pope said driving an SUV is a mortal sin and disqualifies you from participating.
"If you see someone pull into the parking lot in one of those Satanic, climate-change-causing vehicles from the pit of hell, it's your duty to make sure that person cannot participate in the Holy Eucharist," he said in Earth Day remarks earlier this week. "If you drive an SUV, Christ's body you cannot receive."
"It is truly the unpardonable sin." The Pope said he will give those who drive SUVs a little bit of time to repent before he excommunicates them all. "I am a gracious pope and desire that none should be excommunicated but that all would trade in their SUVs for hybrids or electric cars."
The Pope was sadly forced to deny himself Communion when he found out what kind of gas mileage the Popemobile gets.
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.