U.S.—A new poll has revealed that most Americans would rather jump into a volcano spewing a horde of angry geese than watch another second of the Democratic convention this year.
"I'll take the geese," said one man as he turned off the DNC convention after a few minutes of pious lectures, smug presentations, and hypocritical virtue signaling. "At least I will soon die as the volcano of geese explodes in a flurry of serrated teeth and flying feathers, breathing my last as the geese take me into the sweet release of death."
The Americans polled also preferred falling into a vat of acid, getting run over by a bulldozer, and being launched into the sun to watching another moment of the convention.
"Basically, it seems Americans would rather do pretty much anything than watch this thing," said the head researcher on the study. "Death by llama, getting turned into a newt, and running into an old teacher at the supermarket all ranked much higher than tuning into the Democrats' online convention this year."
According to television ratings, most Americans would rather watch an infomercial for a soap that promises to clean out that pesky gunk that builds up in your car's cupholders than watch the convention, as well.