MANHATTAN, NY—During a string of anti-violence protests that spread across the country Wednesday, Planned Parenthood workers at a New York clinic held their breath as they saw protesters approaching with signs decrying violence against the nation’s youth, but quickly breathed a collective sigh of relief as they realized the protesters were marching right by them without taking any notice at all.
Planned Parenthood clinic workers assumed a wave of outrage had finally struck the country over the thousands of babies they kill each day, but were relieved to discover they were only outraged over gun violence. The demonstrators continued on, protesting government officials as they demanded more gun control in order to prevent further school shootings.
“Whew, they were just protesting gun violence, not the countless millions of babies we’ve killed since our founding,” the office manager said. “False alarm, everyone. Carry on.”
“Alright, back to work. Those abortion quotas aren’t gonna hit themselves, people,” an assistant manager said as the rally continued on without a single hint of anger against the abortion provider, according to sources at the local Planned Parenthood office.