NEW YORK - Lobbyists on behalf of Planned Parenthood have introduced a new "Don't Say Baby" bill which will ban any mention of the word "baby" in all abortion debates, hearings, suits, and legislation. Under the new law, "baby" will be redacted or, where appropriate, replaced by the term "appendix."

"Babies are just as useless as an appendix. Who knows what they do?" said Rep Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, reading an index card full of talking points a lobbyist gave her. "Elevating a clump of cells using a charged word like 'baby' is irresponsible. It clouds every debate!"

According to abortion experts, saying "baby" instantly makes women feel empathy and go "baby crazy." Other experts say the word itself may also have origins in white supremacy because of a long history of racist white people having babies.

The bill will be formally introduced in the US House of Representatives at midnight on a Friday so that congress can vote on it without their constituents noticing.

World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.