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Planned Parenthood Clarifies Black Lives Only Matter Once They've Been Born

NEW YORK, NY—Abortion provider Planned Parenthood has been confusing its supporters, claiming that black lives matter but still killing a disproportionate number of black people a day.

The organization issued a revised statement today that black lives do matter, but only once they've been born. "Before that, they're fair game for killing," said a spokesperson. "In fact, they're a huge chunk of our business. So we didn't want people to start thinking that black lives matter when they're in the womb, because honestly, that'd be a huge hit to our bottom line."

"Err, I mean, women's healthcare or whatever."

At publishing time, Planned Parenthood had clarified its statement once again, stating that black lives were still subject to not mattering for "at least a few hours" after birth.

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