Worldviews
Planned Parenthood Clarifies Black Lives Only Matter Once They've Been Born

NEW YORK, NY—Abortion provider Planned Parenthood has been confusing its supporters, claiming that black lives matter but still killing a disproportionate number of black people a day.

The organization issued a revised statement today that black lives do matter, but only once they've been born. "Before that, they're fair game for killing," said a spokesperson. "In fact, they're a huge chunk of our business. So we didn't want people to start thinking that black lives matter when they're in the womb, because honestly, that'd be a huge hit to our bottom line."

"Err, I mean, women's healthcare or whatever."

At publishing time, Planned Parenthood had clarified its statement once again, stating that black lives were still subject to not mattering for "at least a few hours" after birth.

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