WHEATON, IL — The evangelical world is abuzz after VeggieTales creator Phil Vischer, who recently said he supports abortion in some cases, announced a brand new film in which beloved character Laura Carrot aborts her baby carrot.
The feature-length movie, entitled Laura Carrot gets an Abortion: A Lesson in Nuance, follows Laura Carrot as she's faced with an unplanned pregnancy. After a positive pregnancy test, her friend Bob the Tomato takes her to a nearby Planned Carrothood to rid herself of the unwanted child.
"We used to think Christianity was about love, obedience, and holiness," said Vischer on his podcast. "But nowadays, we understand that Christianity is about nuance. Christ died so that we may approach difficult issues with nuance. Since killing innocent babies is a very nuanced issue, I wanted to write a story that illustrates the complexities of intentionally murdering innocent life in a way that children can understand."
Several are already praising the film, including the head pastor of The First Church of Satan in Salem Massachusetts, who called it a "bold, positive new evolution for VeggieTales and Evangelicalism."
Many Christians have panned the film, however, saying "Dear God... what happened to VeggieTales?"
In spite of the criticism, Phil remains undeterred. "As we love to say around here, God made you special, and he loves you very much. Unless you're the product of rape or incest. NUANCE!"
At publishing time, Vischer confirmed another upcoming film in which Larry the Cucumber goes to a gender-affirming clinic to get his cucumber removed.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
