NEW YORK, NY—To simplify booster injections against COVID-19, Pfizer has developed a new Bane-style Vacci-Suit™ to enable the automatic injection of new doses. The suit comes with up to ten additional doses that can be switched out as new vaccines are developed.
"The suit comes with a built-in mask for extra safety," said a spokesperson for Pfizer. "We've given the very first suit to Dr. Fauci so he can help spread the news on this innovative technology.
"No one cared who I was before I put on the mask," said Dr. Anthony Fauci in an interview with Don Lemon on CNN. "Before COVID no one knew my name. Now I am proud to unveil an even more elaborate mask and self-injecting bio-suit to further cement my place in history."
"And save lives," he added.
"I can't understand what you're saying," said Don Lemon. "Can you take off the mask for a minute?"
"It would be extremely painful," warned Dr. Fauci. "I would advise you not to make further anti-science requests. I was born in science, molded by it. I am the premier authority on the subject."
Pfizer is expected to have 10,000 suits ready by Q3 2022, with more than a million planned before the end of the year. The Biden Administration is reportedly utilizing recent census data to make sure there are enough suits so that each American can have three. Any remainders will be sent over to Ethiopia, delaying food shipments temporarily.
Rand Paul has called the suit "stupid" and says it makes Fauci "look fat, but not as fat as his mom! Ooooohhhh snap!"
Chris Smitherson has a problem: he's unvaccinated -- which means he's left out of all activities as he doesn't have COVID like his vaccinated friends. Thoughts and prayers.