AUSTIN, TX - According to sources at the Landon household, a batch of brownies being whipped up by Mrs. Heather Landon was completely ruined by the last-minute addition of walnuts. Landon had painstakingly whipped up the dough, or however it is you make brownies. She had added flour, eggs (?), and whatever else you add to brownie mix. Her husband walked by and said, "Mmmm, brownies! Yes! Can't wait!" and gave her a low-five. But then, something horrible happened: she added walnuts to the mix before pouring it into the pan and baking it. "NOOOOO!!!" screamed her husband, diving to stop her, but it was too late. "Perfection ruined! You might as well have added a mustache to the Mona Lisa!" At publishing time, Landon had added raisins to a batch of chocolate chip cookies.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
