Perfectly Good Brownies Ruined By Last-Minute Addition Of Walnuts

AUSTIN, TX—According to sources at the Landon household, a batch of brownies being whipped up by Mrs. Heather Landon was completely ruined by the last-minute addition of walnuts. Landon had painstakingly whipped up the dough, or however it is you make brownies. She had added flour, eggs (?), and whatever else you add to brownie mix. Her husband walked by and said, "Mmmm, brownies! Yes! Can't wait!" and gave her a low-five. But then, something horrible happened: she added walnuts to the mix before pouring it into the pan and baking it. "NOOOOO!!!" screamed her husband, diving to stop her, but it was too late. "Perfection ruined! You might as well have added a mustache to the Mona Lisa!" At publishing time, Landon had added raisins to a batch of chocolate chip cookies.

In the social justice system, words are considered violence. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious attacks are members of an elite squad known as the Microaggression Victims Unit. These are their stories.

Subscribe to The Babylon Bee on YouTube
There are 119 comments on this article.

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.

Get the Bee delivered straight to your inbox: