MOBILE, AL—Pathetic, fake, wannabe conservative man Bill Shaw hasn't even been banned from Twitter yet, sources close to the right-leaning man confirmed Monday.
Fellow conservatives quickly called Shaw's loyalty to the cause into question after discovering he hasn't so much as received a warning from Twitter for his tweets so far.
"I just don't know what I'm doing wrong," he said, shaking his head. "I've tried misgendering people, deadnaming people, retweeting Ben Shapiro—but nothing is working." Shaw states he posts using a slew of conservative hashtags but so far has been unable to draw the ire of Twitter or any other social network.
"He's probably a closet liberal," said one of his conservative friends. "I myself was banned from Twitter a year ago, proving my conservatism is real, unlike Bill's."
In a last-ditch effort to be accepted among his peers, Shaw posted a picture of himself in a MAGA hat, but it went completely ignored by Twitter's censors, cementing his status as a sorry excuse for a conservative.