JACKSONVILLE, FL — In a stunning display of spiritual fortitude, Pastor Mark Thompson of the First Baptist Church preached 13 minutes past his allotted time during Sunday's service, declaring that "this has gotta be the start of a revival!"

According to Thompson, he looked down at the clock and noticed his passionate sermon had already run a little long, but he refused to let the clock dictate the movements of the Holy Spirit.

"Normally I'd wrap up my sermon right now, but me speaking over my allotted time can be no accident or coincidence. The only explanation is that this must be a full-blown revival. It's finally happening!" Thompson explained to the congregation. "And if we stop short, we might miss out on the full measure of blessings that He had in store for us. So, everyone buckle up, I'm going to take my sweet time with this one!"

Despite the grumbling of some of the congregation who had lunch reservations to make, Thompson pressed on for an entire 13 minutes past the normal time, feeling free to give the full backstory he felt that each of his silly anecdotes deserved.

At publishing time, the revival had continued at the local Cracker Barrel.

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.