OMAHA, NE — After wrapping up this morning's sermon, local Pastor Scott Denison headed to the booth as he anxiously awaited his scores from the judges.
Judges from across the congregation quickly conferred over the sermon's doctrinal integrity, their level of boredom during the sermon, as well as if any deductions needed to be assessed, such as for sharing unrelated anecdotes.
"Oh man, my heart is pounding," said Denison as he waited for the scores to post. "I know the introduction meandered a little bit, but I felt like the first two points had flawless execution. There was a little bit of a stumble transitioning into point three, but I feel like I really stuck the finish. I left it all out there at the pulpit. Now, it's just up to the judges."
Denison breathed a sigh of relief as the scoreboard came to life with above-average marks across the board. "A really solid performance for Pastor Scott today," said congregant Bradley Hamilton. "He was a little unsteady at the beginning, but he didn't panic, he stayed within himself and didn't try to do too much. There was a little stumble unpacking some higher-level hermeneutics, but as judges, you reward that kind of risk-taking."
At publishing time, Pastor Scott's score had been adjusted one point down after the judges determined that a deduction should have been assessed for the lameness of his opening joke.
Coming soon to a Democrat-controlled city near you!
