Church Sponsored Family
Pastor Decides To Try For Fifth Kid Just For The Sermon Illustrations

ANKENY, IA—Pastor Nathan Durski and his wife Savannah confirmed in a message to their congregation Sunday that they have decided to have a fifth kid, simply to increase the number of sermon illustrations and cute anecdotes the minister will have to draw on during his messages each and every week.

The couple made the decision after realizing their current kids were starting to grow out of the adorable sermon illustration phase and into the angsty rebellious pastor’s kid phase.

“We’re not having another kid because of God’s command to fill the earth, or because they bring a lot of joy, or because we’re one of those weird Duggar people,” Durski said in the congregational meeting. “We just want to be clear that we’re doing this solely for the sermon illustrations.”

“I’ve received several complaints about citing scenes from Lord of the Rings just about every sermon, but I want everyone to rest assured that new material is on the way, hopefully about ten months from now,” he added.

According to Durski, every child that a pastor fathers is worth at least “four or five dozen” sermon illustrations. “Our third kid was a real goldmine. I was getting an illustration or cutesy sermon intro out of him just about every Sunday.” He further stated that his oldest was “a little bit of a disappointment,” since the boy stubbornly refused to say many insightful or adorable things, even when offered bribes.