WASHINGTON, D.C.—A spokesman for the Democrat party announced today that despite his party holding the White House and majorities in both houses of Congress, Republicans are to blame for their failure to pass any meaningful legislation so far this year.
 
“Those pesky Republicans have foiled our plans again,” said Senate majority leader Chuck Schumer. “I mean, sure, we have the majority of the votes, but the Republicans just aren’t playing ball. They’re supposed to vote with us, just like we’ve always voted with them when they were in the majority.”

House speaker Nancy Pelosi mirrored Schumer’s sentiment. She said she’s particularly upset with Republicans because the Democrats spent so much effort cooperating and collaborating with Donald Trump to over the last four years.
 
“We could have resisted Donald Trump at every turn, but we chose to take the high road and helped him make America great again,” Pelosi said. “And how do those Republicans repay us? By completely dismantling the spirit of cooperation and bipartisan unity that we Democrats have built up over the years.”

President Biden also weighed in on the lack of cooperation from congressional Republicans. “Cooperation is always tough,” he said. “I play that game with my grandkids all the time, but I can never get the funny bone out without making the buzzer go off. Say, what were we talking about again?”  

At press time, Schumer said he and Pelosi said they were looking into forming a special “congressional unity task force” that would be responsible for jailing Republicans and their families for refusing to vote for Democrat bills.