BREMERTON, WA—Local Christian parents Cindy and Bill Brewster say they are fulfilling their Christian obligation to raise their kids up in the training and instruction of the Lord by dropping them off at youth group for one hour every week.
Though the kids receive over 40 hours of instruction from their state-run school week in and week out and spend the rest of the time on Netflix, Instagram, and Snapchat, the Brewsters are confident the Wednesday night meetings will be enough to counteract the dozens of hours of anti-Christian influences they get on a weekly basis.
"We've done our part," said Mrs. Brewster as she waved goodbye to her daughter, Alicia. "I really hope the youth pastor teaches her good theology. I wish there were some way Bill and I could make sure she was being discipled in the ways of the Lord, but there's nothing else we can do. I mean, I'm really busy with important stuff, so it's not like I can teach her myself."
Bill confirmed that he would also help raise up their kids in the ways of the Lord but he's got the church softball league and poker night to worry about. "That's what youth group's for," he said. "When they play wacky games and receive a 15-minute, super-relevant message, all those hours of us living like God doesn't exist at home just melt away."
At publishing time, the Brewsters had confirmed their plans to blame the church and youth pastor should their daughter stray from the faith in her later years.