SACRAMENTO, CA—Governor Newsom had recently ordered every Christian pastor to bow down and worship him whenever the National Anthem of the U.S.S.R. played over the state's telescreens. So he was enraged to find out that Pastor John MacArthur refused to bend the knee.
"What? He's not falling to the ground and worshiping! What does he think this is, America?" Newsom cried when his advisers informed him that MacArthur was not worshiping. "Bring him to me."
Newsom ordered MacArthur to be bound and brought before him. "I'll give you one more chance," he said. "When the song plays, you worship. It's not that hard. I don't even care if you sing on key. Just, you know, face down on the floor, how all pastors should be before the government."
But when MacArthur continued to refuse, Newsom became even angrier and ordered the furnace to be heated seven times hotter than it usually was. MacArthur was thrown into the flames, and Newsom was satisfied, though he was a little worried about the carbon emissions from the fire.
However, he was incredulous when he looked into the flames and saw a mysterious figure next to him, later revealed to be Phil Johnson.
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