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Oscars Committee Announces New Host: Jordan Peterson

HOLLYWOOD, CA—The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has reversed course from previous reports that they would forego a host for their 91st Oscars ceremony, instead tapping popular psychologist, author, and professor Jordan Peterson to host the awards show.

“None of us here at the Academy have ever heard of Dr. Peterson, but judging by sheer number of books he sells, coupled with his popularity as a professor and speaker, we felt that he would be the perfect candidate,” AMPAS revealed in a press release Wednesday. “Plus, we have been informed that Dr. Peterson is a thought leader on the cutting edge of social issues such as intersectionality, patriarchy, transgenderism, white privilege, and socialism, making him an outstanding choice.”

The professor and author reportedly responded to the invitation by saying, “Who chooses who hosts the Oscars? I’ll tell you who: a bureaucracy, staffed with precisely the type of people you would not want to be making those decisions. Did you see what happened to Kevin Hart? It’s not good.”

Peterson ranted for a few more minutes before acquiescing with “Sure, I’ll host the bloody thing.”