Opinion: We Are Not Coming For Your Guns—We Just Want A Sensible Ban On All Automatic, Semi-Automatic, Bolt-Action, Pump-Action, Lever-Action, Break-Action, And Muzzle-Loading Firearms
Opinion · Mar 22, 2019 · BabylonBee.com

Every time the gun debate flares up in America, conservatives act like we're trying to take all the guns. It's a ridiculous straw man argument. We don't want to take your guns away, and we don't want to ban common firearms. That's all just Republican fearmongering. Very typical on the right.

Here are the facts. All we want to ban are automatic, semiautomatic, bolt-action, pump-action, lever-action, break-action, and muzzle-loading firearms. It's not that difficult, people. All we had to do was pull up Google and search for all kinds of guns and add them to our ban list.

That's it! If your gun is some other kind of gun, you'll be totally unaffected by our proposals. Unless you think of something that's not on this list. Then we'll add it, of course, because someone who tries to get around a gun ban is obviously up to no good. 

This is what leadership looks like: immediately rushing to unilaterally take away constitutional rights. And we can do it, America, if we can find the moral courage and fortitude to pass sensible, common-sense gun legislation. It doesn't have to infringe on gun owners' rights. It just has to ban literally every type of gun under the sun.

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