Hey there, can I talk to you for a second? Is everything all right? Barb said she noticed you were absent from church last week, and I wanted to make sure everything's okay.
I know there were flash floods that weekend, and I heard through the prayer chain that a tree fell on your roof. But you know, there's always going to be a million reasons not to make it to church; whether the big game was on, your car broke down, or the accidental dismemberment of you or a loved one. Whatever the reason is, I get it. The enemy loves to fill up our time with these distractions.
But let me ask you this: If Noah made time for God when the entire world flooded, don't you think you could have braved a little hydroplaning? If Jesus died on the cross and still showed up the next Sunday, do you really think a little leaking and ruined carpet should hold you back? I know you're concerned about the hole in your roof, but I'm just concerned about the hole in your heart.
Look, I'm not saying this to guilt-trip you or make you feel bad. I'm just a little bit concerned about where your priorities are. And also, you're probably going to Hell. I mean, sure, if the safety of your family and the structure of your house are more important than God, then that's your choice to make. But, as your pastor, I wouldn't be doing my duty if I didn't check in with you to see where your heart is.
While we're on the subject, I noticed you haven't been volunteering for many ministries at church. Again, I know there's always going to be excuses, like running your own full-time non-profit to fight human trafficking, but do you really think that's more important than serving God? The Hospitality Ministry has been low on donuts the last few Sunday mornings; I'm sure you could help fill that crucial need.
Anyway, as I said, I'm not trying to bring you down. Hope to see you this Sunday, I'll be teaching on doing good works for The Lord, and not just for Man.
Kyle Mann was just minding his own business, when- BOOP! A wild Gender Fairy appeared!