Op-Ed: You Either Die An SJW, Or You Live Long Enough To See Yourself Become A Bigot
Op-Ed · Apr 20, 2018 · BabylonBee.com

Starbucks is one of the most progressive companies on planet earth. Everybody knows that, mainly because we tout it every chance we get. We've always been a bastion of liberal open-mindedness. We've bent over backwards to openly celebrate every single cause that has paraded itself under the banner of social justice in the 31 years since I took over a little coffee chain and transformed it into the global powerhouse it is today.

Every. Single. Cause.

From environmental activism, to publicly supporting same-sex marriage years before it became law in the U.S., to - remember this? - our #RaceTogether campaign where we encouraged customers and employees to have open discussions about race in our stores. For the love of wokeness, we actually did that!

But none of that matters anymore.

In my life I've had a recurring nightmare involving enraged political protesters descending upon one of our retail locations, chanting and holding signs saying "Starbucks is racist!" And now it has come true. We are being besmirched. We are being boycotted. Oh, the horror.

Nobody wins at the Woke Olympics. Once the smell of blood is in the water, the sharks will circle and devour you with blinding outrage, without compassion, without a second thought. In this lifestyle we eat our own. One perceived infraction and you're toast. Decades of overtly progressive policies - gone.

It's all over.

You either die a social justice warrior, or you live long enough to see yourself become a bigot.

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