What's been in the news lately? We had the tumultuous midterm elections, the wild Mueller investigation and that whole shindig, and whatever Trump last said on camera. Can people even remember what our last conflict in the Middle East was? Yemen, I think. But that was months ago, so I think it's time for another war in the Middle East.

I know. People are always saying, "Shouldn't you finish the wars you already have first?" But there's no excitement in that. Everyone is only interested in these things when they first start up. We get to wring our hands about refugees and worry for a while about international affairs -- it makes us all feel real worldly. But soon those conflicts go to page 17 in the newspapers and all of our conflicts in the Middle East sit around like a bunch of half-finished craft projects.

So I say we get a new war. Get everyone interested again. Where should we have the war? That's hard to say. But that's the great thing about the Middle East. There's a reason to have a war with just about everyone there. Right now, people are really starting to sour on our relationship with Saudi Arabia. That one seems a bit too ambitious right now -- though Trump would have to tweet something pretty crazy to bump that one out of the news. I think a better idea would be Iran; everyone is into '80s retro stuff right now, so a conflict with Iran should be pretty popular.

So who's in? New war in the Middle East? Unless you're in the military, you don't actually have to do anything. Just give us the thumbs up and watch the fun on the news until you get bored of it or there's a new Marvel movie.