WASHINGTON, DC — An envoy of extraterrestrial beings stifled their frustration and asked to be taken to a different leader after their initial meeting with President Joe Biden left them confused and exasperated, sources say.
"I guess he's not the leader they were expecting," said an insider who spoke on the condition of anonymity. "It was the classic sci-fi movie scenario, with the aliens arriving and telling us, ‘Take us to your leader.' We quickly set up a meeting with President Biden, and things went downhill from there."
"The aliens were already asking why we kept shooting down their peace offering balloons containing Hickory Farms cheese and sausage gift baskets," disclosed another source present at the meeting. "But I guess it really started to get bad when the lead alien put out his hand to greet the President, and Joe bent down and bit the creature's finger."
Reports indicate that relations between the two sides only grew worse after the President began speaking. "The best we can tell, Joe had one of his typical verbal gaffes," the source said. "He said something that was totally unintelligible to us, but apparently, it sounded like some sort of horrible slur in the aliens' language. The aliens were offended, voices were raised, Joe may have messed his pants…it was a train wreck. Err, sorry, poor choice of words."
At publishing time, the aliens were reportedly already asking to be taken to a third leader after only spending 5 minutes trying to talk to Kamala Harris.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
