Home > Politics > Ocasio-Cortez Terrified After Discovering Bizarre Object In Washington: Th...
Politics U.S.
Ocasio-Cortez Terrified After Discovering Bizarre Object In Washington: The Constitution

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez got a good fright while encountering a bizarre object in Washington for the first time: the U.S. Constitution.

In a video posted to her Instagram story, Ocasio-Cortez showed the Constitution at the National Archives and claimed to have never seen one before in her life.

"I am told this is a Constitution. I've never seen it before. It is terrifying. I don't know what it's for, or what is purpose is. Is it for protecting something called 'rights' or something? But like, is this good for the environment?"

She was also offended by some of the language in the document suggesting that people have rights the government can not take away. She questioned whether or not the government could really be efficient in seizing the means of production and controlling the lives of its citizens if such a document were actually honored by the "three or four branches of government."

"What is this thing really for?" she mused. "More importantly, why are these old white men yelling at me in this document?"

At publishing time, she had stuffed the document in her garbage disposal.

Breaking: Paypal Now Available

Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.