Health Politics
Ocasio-Cortez Severely Burned After Accidentally Touching Book On Basic Economics

NEW YORK, NY—Democratic candidate for Congress Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was in the middle of a run-of-the-mill interview—blankly staring at the interviewer for a minute straight after being asked how she’d pay for all the social programs she’s proposing—when disaster struck. She noticed a book on a table nearby and reached over to pick it up before anyone could stop her.

“Aieeee! It burns ussss!” Ocasio-Cortez screamed as her hand burst into flames from touching the book on rudimentary economic concepts. She claimed she had never seen one of those “dreadful things” before and wasn’t aware how much damage it could do.

She was immediately rushed to the hospital.

“As socialism has become increasingly popular, we’ve been seeing more and more of this,” said Doctor Pauline Hudson, who treated Ocasio-Cortez for third-degree burns. “Often it’s a severe-allergic reaction to math. Socialist policies are all well and good, but if you adopt them, you want to stay far away from even basic economic idea like supply and demand. It’s not pretty what happens when the two collide.”

Ocasio-Cortez is expected to make a full-recovery and seems undaunted by the incident, already proposing even more programs she thinks the government should pay for, like dog-walking. In the future, she says she’ll be more careful. Luckily, Ocasio-Cortez is expected to easily win her heavily Democratic district which means she’s headed for our nation’s Capitol, a place that’s traditionally been a safe space from economics and math.

Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee

After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.

Get FREE Access

*with premium subscription to The Babylon Bee

There is 1 comment on this article.

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.