CHICAGO, IL—Former President Barack Obama caused a stir while speaking at a summit in Chicago. He called out “cancel culture,” telling people that doing things like being “judgmental” and “casting stones” wasn’t helping anyone and was just causing further divisions.
This caused immediate outrage from the left. “So now he doesn’t want us judging NAZIS?!” exclaimed progressive activist Lucia James. Now knowing that Obama is a nazi-sympathizer, activists dug into Obama’s past for other evidence of alt-right sympathies and soon made public a discovery: Back in 2007 and 2008, Obama ran a presidential campaign in which he opposed gay marriage.
Obama at first denied the allegation that he said these things over a decade ago, but when confronted with the evidence admitted he had run as a presidential candidate who opposed gay marriage. He claimed he has now learned his lesson and asked for forgiveness.
Left-wing activists say, “Absolutely not.”
“Forgiving that homophobe would be an insult to all the oppressed people who got oppressed,” said online commentator Austin Cross. Activists say that instead of forgiving him, they will cancel him and also hunt down anyone who voted for the homophobe Obama in 2008 so that they as well can be cast into the outer darkness away from the light of wokeness, where there will be “wailing and gnashing of teeth,” though occasionally you get to “enjoy a joke from Dave Chappelle.”
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.