Finance Sports
Oakland Churches Scramble To Recruit Derek Carr After Tithing Comment

OAKLAND, CA—Oakland’s church scene is buzzing after Raiders quarterback Derek Carr became the highest-paid player in NFL history—and then announced his intention to tithe on his mega-payday.

Last week a reporter asked Carr about his spending priorities and possible splurges in light of the new $125 million contract extension, and after an obligatory Christian shout-out to Chick-fil-A, the Pro Bowler said, “The first thing I’ll do is I’ll pay my tithe.”

Local pastors have been aggressively recruiting him ever since.

“I saw the interview and immediately turned to my hot wife on the beach: ‘Vacation’s over, babe,'” said Colton Stiles, lead visionary at The Well. “We’ve gotta get this cheerful giver on our team.”

“We’ve been in a rough spot financially,” blogged Ryan Byers, dream awakener at The Cove, in a transparent post. “Three of our strobe lights are out, the espresso machine in our south annex is busted, and Lord knows we don’t have nearly enough youth pastors to keep our teens entertained. Just imagine the kingdom good we could do with some of that Carr coinage.”

“I mean, do the math,” he added.

The quarterback is yet to commit, but says he is entertaining all offers.

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