Nursery Workers Place Tip Jar Out As Parents Pick Up Aiden
Church · Jul 1, 2023 ·

TOPEKA, KS — Nursery workers at First Baptist Church of Topeka have begun setting out a tip jar whenever Aiden's parents come to pick him up.

"Let the baby out of the headlock, Aiden! Your parents are here," said nursery coordinator Cassie Martin. "Mom, Dad -- were you aware that Aiden brought a can of spray paint and a hammer to church?"

After enduring weeks of utter chaos at the hands of four-year-old Aiden Murphy, nursery workers decided perhaps a tip jar was appropriate. "All tips will go toward repairing the drywall destroyed by Aiden," said nursery volunteer Amy Thompson. "Any money leftover will help pay for nursery workers to see a therapist. Because of, you know -- Aiden."

According to sources, Mr. and Mrs. Murphy have really tried to subdue Aiden, but their efforts have thus far proved fruitless. "I've told Aiden a thousand times to stop spraying kids with the fire extinguisher, but he won't listen," said Mrs. Murphy. "We tried putting him in his room for timeout, but he had hidden the circular saw under his bed and just cut his way out. I threatened to spank him, but he pulled out a flamethrower. We may be losing control."

At publishing time, the nursery had reportedly begun using money from the tip jar to purchase body armor for when Aiden shows up.

Babylon Bee subscriber Ben Mereness contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!

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