U.S. — Results of a new study have confirmed that the number of "true crime" podcasts produced has officially surpassed the number of actual murders in the world, per capita.
"We had our suspicions that this particular genre had gotten out of hand," said Dr. Steve Williams of The Concerned Husbands Institute, the organization that conducted the study. "The number of true crime podcasts being consumed by housewives has skyrocketed. There are now roughly 78 different true crime podcasts per actual murder committed in the world. Staggering numbers!"
The true crime genre of podcasts exploded in popularity in recent years, along with NBC's Dateline news magazine program that regularly features stories about murder. Men around the world have understandably experienced increased levels of fear and suspicion due to their wives' enjoyment of such programming. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure my wife's going to kill me soon," said Zach Lewis, engineer and future murder victim. "I think she's learned just about everything she needs to know to commit the act and get away with it. I've just kinda resigned myself to my fate at this point."
At this rate, analysts predict that thousands of new murders will need to be committed simply to keep up with the demand for new podcasts about murders. "It's unsustainable unless we start offing more people," Dr. Williams said. "This means husbands around the world will either be much safer or in significantly more danger."
At publishing time, a weekend crime spree in Chicago had pumped up murder numbers enough to surpass the number of podcasts once again.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
